Friday, June 29, 2007

also i love smelling my kitty. she smells good.
posted by styrene at 5:14 AM-comment?

There is one wonderful moment
That I remember, when I had smoked you
I was sitting in front of a fire
In a fireplace and I was crazy about a woman
A new (i.e., recently appeared to me) human
So crazy that to show how great I was, it was,
Unmade I was, it was, I threw my glasses (eyeglasses)
Into the fire. When I went to look for them
Sometime after, they were gone and I was happy
Happy as I have ever been. If you could give me such dramatic glances
All life long I'd surely be a pothead but I also like
To wake up in the morning fresh and strong
And to write poems with my glasses on--
Without them, I'm unable to see.
Therefore I'm not sure what you should be to me,
Marijuana, in the times that are yet to come--
Merely a memory? I can remember the hum
And the catch in my throat your sensations present to me--
I don't know if that's enough--perhaps occasionally
A new bout with you, in the name of appetite, or love,
And occasionally bad (I'd guess) poetry--but then you never know, do you?
In any case, thank you for that throwing thing,
For that eagle's wing, away from my reasonable beak.

by kenneth koch. whenever i read a poem i really love, i want to type it out and post it somewhere. i didn't blog for a long time because it seems so exhibitionist and masturbatory, but this should not stop me from blogging when i do feel like it. i guess the appeal of blogging is the potential of an audience - anne frank named her diary "kitty" and started each entry with "dear kitty," - whereas on paper, there would be no illusion. i'd have a hard time not making fun of myself constantly for this seemingly delusional behavior, which would make me do that whole internalizing thing, i.e. spilling lunch in second grade with no one else in the classroom.

i am also so much more hesitant to just type whatever comes into my head now, which is perhaps a side-effect of writing papers for my classes, or the reason my papers always take forever and ever, amen. i don't know where i picked that up. i think my poetry is composed only of partial lines and phrases of everyone else. i should read more joyce this summer. i should also use my sewing machine some more, and smoke less, and spend more time studying french, and spend less time thinking about what i should do. i think it has so deeply infiltrated the infrastructure of my being that if i don't pay attention/keep guard for the tiniest fraction of time, it will creep up and leave me knee-deep in shit. i am also remembering now that even when i was little i had a penchant for exaggeration and i still do, i've just gotten better at/used to filtering it. too many self-filters. this distaste for putting down words and drawing even the mildest of conclusions must end, because i can't figure out what i'm thinking or feeling without writing them out. i understand very few things not put into words, and those things are important, but most of what pops into my head are not of as grave importance as those few other things. and i can't remeber anything not in words, so i will fail to detect patterns in my life and be less aware. now this has become boring, so i will stop and go smoke a cigarette. i should not write this in explicatory tones.

and that quote:
Nothing is harder, yet nothing is more necessary, than to speak of certain things whose existence is neither demonstrable nor probable. The very fact that serious and conscientious men and women treat them as existing things brings them a step closer to existence and to the possibility of being born.
posted by styrene at 4:35 AM-comment?

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

i was inspired by brian:

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posted by styrene at 8:38 PM-comment?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

i will be crazy busy with finals until 5pm on wednesday, march 14. at least the weather will be kind for the next three days.

monday: high of sixty(!) degrees farenheit with 30% chance of rain the morning
tuesday: high of SIXTY-FOUR DEGREES with NO RAIN
wednesday: also doomsday, with a high of 51 degrees and 40% chance of rain

the best part is that the temperature is plummeting back down to the thirties on thursday for a week, with snow expected on saturday.
posted by styrene at 8:35 PM-comment?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

oh god i want to die die die
posted by styrene at 4:14 AM-comment?