Monday, August 02, 2004
today i woke up, got very angry, spent the day oscillating between being angry and being sorry for being angry, with a dash of just being sorry in general and plain old misery as well. tonight calls for a vaguely sacriligeous supplication to no particular deity beginning "please for the love of god..." but i can hardly tell what i want let alone desperately need. i don't even ovulate anymore.onto happier items: i have now exactly located the exact source of my having such a bipolar time this summer, bouncing back and forth between being ecstatically happy and i-don't-even-want-to-eat misery. and since the not knowing is what always kills me, i feel better. i am also leaving in a week or two, depending on how mushy-feeling i get about that second family trip my dad wants to take. the idea of long days outside with cups of coffee and college essays strikes me as so heavenly that i feel sort of pathetic. where have my partying in the city days gone?
...to new york city, where i will be at the end of august/beginning of september. my mom and i agreed to meet up in new york for a very long shopping spree, i will see johanna and james and hunter and rachel and max and julia t. and other since-long-seen kindred spirits, and larry. i am going to fly into logan and drop off my huge suitcase at exeter and write my essays, then head over to boston for a couple of days before (i hope) flying out to ohio, and then fly back to new york and see people and criticize a lot of clothes and buy a few really expensive items before school starts.
all that sounds nice but actually i think i just want that cup of coffee from me&ollie's more than anything.
this weekend, i watched sex&the city with my grandmother and mother, fell asleep for twenty minutes of the three-hour-long dogville, bought a gorgeous satin jacket and something like eight shirts, and realized just exactly how bourgeois i am.
posted by styrene at 10:50 AM-comment?
